thehealthycook:

I have choice days.

I choose to eat what I want and I’m not cheating myself or my body in doing so. 

I think it I’m going to the beach today. I’m a little upset about it. I’ve been trying to lose weight since August and I’m thankful and appreciative of how far I have come but it’s nearly a year later and it’s a brand new summer and I’m still fat and still look sloppy and gross in clothes. I thought this was gonna be my bikini summer.

And idk how many people make posts saying that the way to have a perfect bikini body is to put a bikini on your body. The fact is that I still have all this damn belly fat and I would just look disgusting in a bikini.

I haven’t felt this bummed about my weight in a long time. It’s so fuckin frustrating. Because I never gave up, but here I am - still fat. And it’s worse because I’m apple shaped. Had I been a cute pear shape I can get away with a few extra pounds but nope, I’m an ugly ass apple. So everything else is pretty skinny and then I have this fat stomach. Unbelievable. Sigh. I just feel like staying in the house tbh.

Good news: I think I’m starting to lose weight again.

Bad news: I’m getting new stretch marks. If I go up or down even the slightest bit of weight I get stretch marks. I haven’t had new stretch marks in awhile which is why I think I’m starting to lose weight again. On the contrary, I could be gaining. I don’t feel like it though.

Guess we’re going to see what happens over the next few weeks.

Insanity: I started week two of insanity on Thursday. I skipped yesterday’s workout but other than that I have been on point. I get through my workouts pretty good, I definitely take breaks but most days I give 100% and manage to pull through. Thursday, Yesterday & today my eating wasn’t too good. I started each day with a healthy breakfast, had my protein shake for lunch but had unhealthy dinner and had too much junk food. Tomorrow is a new day, I’ll get back on it tomorrow.